Thursday, January 22, 2004
Chapter 4: Trickling of emotions
"Jenn, let's go skating." Fanny always spoke with excitement. She was always upbeat, her over friendly ways were always mistaken for flirting among many people. Being that I was one of her closest girl-friends, even I had that mistaken. (To which you'll find out later)
"But I've never tried." I said, immediately regretting because she had the disappointed look on her face. I hated disappointing my friends. "Besides, I don't have skates."
"Gabe, how much are the rentals?" She asked him, who was sitting beside her, on the left.
"I'm not sure, but I can find out for you guys."
"Or you can share with me." Carm offered, my then best friend.
"Oh alright fine. I'll go. When?"
"It starts at 5 pm. We'll walk there after school." Fanny said, all excited again.
"Or I can get my mom to drive us, cuz I don't want to bring my skates all the way to school." Carm offered.
"Ok! A done deal!" Oh my, what have I done? I'm going skating and it's somewhat different from roller-blading, at least it seemed so in my head. Oh well, no turning back now. Might as well give it a go.
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So, skating day came. Fanny, Carm, Tag, Bill, Drew, Gabriel, Laura and Erin came as well. I was only close with Fanny and Carm, the rest were more or less acquaintances. I had my own group of friends but was open to making new friends. So everyone knew how to skate, but not everyone had a pair of skates. Me, Drew, Bill and Tag were hoping that we could rent skates, but since they weren't opened, we had to sit and watch the others having fun. So the rest of the girls and Gabriel were having fun. Lauren and Erin were not strong skaters so Gabriel was their physical support. I was really hoping that Carm would lend me her skates so I could well, learn how to skate. And it gave me an opportunity to be close with him.
It was just a thought because it never happened. So me, Bill, Drew, Tag just sat there cracking on our own jokes, oblivious to the fun others were having. But occasionally, I'd peek at the others. Sometimes I'd catch Gabriel's expression and seeing how much fun he was having. It was almost like he couldn't tell how I was feeling, he couldn't see my disappointments of this doomed skating day. And he shouldn't be. Afterall, we were just acquaintances who hadn't known each other for a month.
My imaginations were getting to the best of me. Somehow, a part of me was telling me he didn't feel the same and that he was a big flirt. Because hey! he was skating and holding hands with others, helping them and smiling. (Oh, he's such a big flirt >.<) I was jealous and insanely hurt, although I shouldn't be. How could I be hurt? It's not like it really was the way I thought it be. It was just from my overly active imaginations. [Part of being the Pisces that I am, I can be overly imaginative and jealousy is my middle name :)]
So I came home disappointed. Hell! I spent 3 hours after school, doing nothing. I dashed to my room, getting a change of clothes and get ready for a shower, wanting to rid myself of the school uniform I'd be wearing for the whole day. Soon, the tears started trickling down my cheeks. What is this? I'm crying? Over a boy?? Over a boy that I hardly knew??? This was a very unfamiliar territory. I'm crying because I didn't get to skate with him. I'm crying because skating was a romantic sport to me. I had imagined skating with Gabriel. I imagined him teaching me, holding my hands, and that if we fell because my clumsiness, he would somehow accidentally kissing me. [How come it only happens on TV and never in real life??] This was all my imaginations and none of it happened. They hurt me and caused me to cry. Because of these imaginations, I knew what I was feeling. These imaginations validated my tears, hence what I truly felt. I was falling for him. My tears were because of him.
"But I've never tried." I said, immediately regretting because she had the disappointed look on her face. I hated disappointing my friends. "Besides, I don't have skates."
"Gabe, how much are the rentals?" She asked him, who was sitting beside her, on the left.
"I'm not sure, but I can find out for you guys."
"Or you can share with me." Carm offered, my then best friend.
"Oh alright fine. I'll go. When?"
"It starts at 5 pm. We'll walk there after school." Fanny said, all excited again.
"Or I can get my mom to drive us, cuz I don't want to bring my skates all the way to school." Carm offered.
"Ok! A done deal!" Oh my, what have I done? I'm going skating and it's somewhat different from roller-blading, at least it seemed so in my head. Oh well, no turning back now. Might as well give it a go.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, skating day came. Fanny, Carm, Tag, Bill, Drew, Gabriel, Laura and Erin came as well. I was only close with Fanny and Carm, the rest were more or less acquaintances. I had my own group of friends but was open to making new friends. So everyone knew how to skate, but not everyone had a pair of skates. Me, Drew, Bill and Tag were hoping that we could rent skates, but since they weren't opened, we had to sit and watch the others having fun. So the rest of the girls and Gabriel were having fun. Lauren and Erin were not strong skaters so Gabriel was their physical support. I was really hoping that Carm would lend me her skates so I could well, learn how to skate. And it gave me an opportunity to be close with him.
It was just a thought because it never happened. So me, Bill, Drew, Tag just sat there cracking on our own jokes, oblivious to the fun others were having. But occasionally, I'd peek at the others. Sometimes I'd catch Gabriel's expression and seeing how much fun he was having. It was almost like he couldn't tell how I was feeling, he couldn't see my disappointments of this doomed skating day. And he shouldn't be. Afterall, we were just acquaintances who hadn't known each other for a month.
My imaginations were getting to the best of me. Somehow, a part of me was telling me he didn't feel the same and that he was a big flirt. Because hey! he was skating and holding hands with others, helping them and smiling. (Oh, he's such a big flirt >.<) I was jealous and insanely hurt, although I shouldn't be. How could I be hurt? It's not like it really was the way I thought it be. It was just from my overly active imaginations. [Part of being the Pisces that I am, I can be overly imaginative and jealousy is my middle name :)]
So I came home disappointed. Hell! I spent 3 hours after school, doing nothing. I dashed to my room, getting a change of clothes and get ready for a shower, wanting to rid myself of the school uniform I'd be wearing for the whole day. Soon, the tears started trickling down my cheeks. What is this? I'm crying? Over a boy?? Over a boy that I hardly knew??? This was a very unfamiliar territory. I'm crying because I didn't get to skate with him. I'm crying because skating was a romantic sport to me. I had imagined skating with Gabriel. I imagined him teaching me, holding my hands, and that if we fell because my clumsiness, he would somehow accidentally kissing me. [How come it only happens on TV and never in real life??] This was all my imaginations and none of it happened. They hurt me and caused me to cry. Because of these imaginations, I knew what I was feeling. These imaginations validated my tears, hence what I truly felt. I was falling for him. My tears were because of him.
